Well, it's been almost a week since I have taken my mom home from the hospital iwth hospice. Her bed is in our family room, she is using the bed pan and barely eating. She seems genuinly happy to be home and is much more comfortable now that she is getting morphine about every 3 hours. She is alert and I thank God that she is continuing to communicate to us and telling us what to do. The thought of not being able to ask my mom a question or tell her how my day has been is just incomprehensable to me. I can't imagine life without my mom to share it with.
I have so many wonderful people aroudn me and I should be feeling so blessed but it is just so strange really.
Family, to me, are people who I have adopted to fill space that is positive in my life....it is wonderful that I have been able to find this. Maybe it is because I am an only child and I have had no choice but truely I think I have been blessed because the people I have CHOOSEN are the type of family I would want around me always.
The days go by and I don't eat, or train or do anything that I am familiar with. I wash bed pans and administer medications and entertain people that normally are never around...it's a strange life but I guess it is what there is.
I have a totally new appreciation for my father...he is all I will have left for "immediate family", if you want to label things like that. He has been a rock...always the one who has been the "sick" one and now the "rock". He has been by my side through and through...he is my comfort, my friend.. I just pray that he still feels needed and has a purpose after all this is done. He is sooo much stronger than most have given him credit for.
Training has gone by the way side...I don't really even eat. I am sorry if this is't appropriate for this site...but talking about training isn't going to happen right now.
I have started a list of adjectives describing my mom and have asked people to add to it if they want...it's very interesting as it is very contradictory...she is polar oppisties and still her....how can that be, right??? I guesss that is what makes my mom her...
BE present...be blessed with your family (whether it is your parent, siblings or choosen family)...this moment is all we have, it changes in a flash and will NEVERbe the same...life is wonderous and precious.....can never be replaced.
Peace
C