Let me see if the universe will allow me to post today....I tried last week on Thursday but it deleted....I guess it was not meant to be?

Today my dear friend Lana is buring her son Tony....who died a hero last week trying to help someone else. I can't imagine her pain as I sit here with my mom watching her die. My grief for my friend is so mixed wiht my own rolercoaster of emotions....

My mom seemed to take a turn alst week and then another one last night. It is so hard to see my strong, independant, fiesty mother too weak to sip through a straw. Never knowing what we will deal with the next moment. Her sharp mind is gettingmushy with all the morphine and adavan...it's aweful to watch and she knows it too!!! She cried yesterday at what she is becoming...

I pray that when she goes home to God she will come to me and be whole again..I can't stand this image in my mind forever...she is just a shell of the woman she was...so vunerable and weak....it's just heartbreaking and scary.

Seeing her scared makes me thik she isn't ready to pass...shouldn't she feel peaceful???? God, I pray she finds peace in this journey.....

RIP Anthony Christopher Shafer..watch over your momma and my family...we need your strength and kindness....RIP my friend