Today I woke up (actually got 2, 4 hour blocks of sleeplast night!)and Mom told me she has a "new philosophy"...she made me wait till she finished her inhaler and then preceeded to tell me that she has been "going about his all wrong" and she was "a bit ashamed". She said that before she fell asleep last night "something happened" and she realized she needed to change her attitude. She decided that she needed to "stop worrying about dying and start concentrating on living". She seemed sooo peaceful.
She said she didn't know where this came from and I told her I knew. yesterday her friend Elizabeth put her hands on my mom and prayed for her to have peace of mind...I told my mom that I thought she had been visted by the Holy Spirit. She said...I might be right. I knew at that moment that if I had any doubt about my faith it was gone. I knew in my being that that was the reason my Mom felt more peace. Pretty amazing!
She slept most of the day, WITHOUT MEDICATION...she sat up in bed, had breakfast and lunch and was comfortable ALL day. I felt relief today..that she was comfortable and no longer seemed scared...then as the night went on and I was going through some of her things...deep sorrow and grief...for how much I will miss her...miss her nagging...miss her comfort...miss the security of her and her htings...it's so strange...if you are not aroudn it and don't see it it might be OK but hte minute you start thinking about past times, things, memories...you can feel sooo sad....

I will truely MISS my MOther, more than I ever realized...I sit her typing this sobbing with a deep ache in my heart...she is asleep next to me looking fraile and weak....my life will have an empty spot without her...a hole