It's raining in Western Ma today...we have had such beautiful dry, suny weather, I really can't complain. I caught a ride with Big Rob Gould and upcomer, Chris Grady to New Jersey's STRONG & SHAPELY gym this past Saturday. They go down there to meet with their trainer and it's an awesome hardcore gym so I figured it might give me the shot in the arm I need to get motivated to train hard. There are all sorts of pictures, old and new of bodybuilders and fitness champions...and it's got machines always new and some ancient...it was an awesome day. Bob Bohnam is a great host and welcomed me in to his establishment with arms open wide. Rob and Chris will be competing this wekeend at the Jay Cutler Classic (formly the New England Championships)...all the best to them..I know they have worked hard and overcome many obstacles to get ready to be their best!!!

Mom is hanging in there...she is on very little medication and seems to be getting stronger every day but she is stil lin the bed and unfortuanatley not seeing her still being around as a blessing...but rather she is getting depressed and lacks motivation to even sit up. I have been going there to sleep over, cook a meal and do some chores at least 2 times per week since I moved back to my own place. It's a little crazy basing out of 2 homes...I never seem to have the things I need when I need them...I bring my computer when I go over to my parents but it doens't alway work right and then I always feel like I should be making my time there quality time and not worry about always pushing myself to work...

Speaking of work..things are looking up with the PT...I am signing on some new clients and rescheduling some old ones...I am in the gym more and more and am training myself. I do think, however, tat this year will be a bit unothordox in my training methods but who knows...that may eve be better...God willing I am able to continue to work and enjoy my parents (especially Mom's) company!
I go back to Protan travel this weekend with an appearance at the Pittbsurg Pro/AM and then fly right into Boston on 5/4 to judege the Jay Cutler...I am pretty sure there will be more than just me on my plane flying from one show to the next! I am psyched to see NIcki...she has been preping for a regional show in AZ at the end of June...I spoke to her today about possibly going out there for it...not sure yet, but it sure would be nice to go support her for a change!!!!

Again...I feel so grateful for soo many things...I pray that I can know what to say and what to do for my mom to help her to feel happier and as blessed as I feel...evenwhen I have a hectic day and feel overwhelmed I am still blessed...I just pray for the guidance I need with family, work and everythign else to do the right thing!!!
Enjoy the renewal of spring all!!!! Be blessed
Peace
C

It was such a BEAUTIFUL day today! I felt sooo grateful for today...the weather..my flexibility...my job (which is on the upswing, again!)...MY MOM AND DAD...my clietn doing her first show..I atually worked out myself twice this week!!!
Anything is better with sunshine and fresh air!!!!

I physically feel kind of tired and I am not sure why??? HOpefully this will get better as I get more organized and also as I get into the new vitamin/antioxident regieme I am on by Life Force...we will see!!!

Be grateful everybody!!!! Life is so good!
Peace

I AM GRATEFUL!!!! For so many things.

First is MY BED!!!! I love MY BED!!! I moved back to my apratment yesterday after spending the last 9 weeks at my parents taking care of my mom. It was so nice to sleep in my own bed...in my own space! I love my parents but I have been out of their house for many years now and I was feeling "under foot" especially since Dad has taken over many of the responsibilities of caring for Mom.

I AM GRATEFUL!!!! I was ABLE to call Mom the other day to tell her I LOVED HER....it was only a few weeks ago, I thought I would never be able to call her again....I AM GRATEFUL she is still here with us.

I AM GRATEFUL that I was able to care for Mom...not work for a period of time and do everything I could to make her and Dad more comfortable.

I am GRATEFUL for the lessons I learned and am still learning...I am GRATEFUL to be getting back to work..for having the chance to get MY BODY back to a healthy state.

I AM GRATEFUL that it is spring...that the birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming, the grass is getting green, the air feels warmer.....it is renewal...for ALL of us.

Mom is feeling depressed as now that she is clear headed and off almost all the drugs she is realizing that she is still with us and can't get out of her bed. Truthfully, I see her being able to get up and move about the house...not easily but I can see her doing it...she is feeling hopeless....I pray that she finds God's light to help her to understand what she needs to still do and I also pray that God takes her quickly when it is her time...I hate to see her perseverating over what is her purpose and what will happen to her....I pray that God is forgiving and takes her qucikly when it is time....

So, for now....I base myself out of my own place and try to make a living and pay my way and recharge my body and soul to deal with whatever God has planned...
I am back to structured eating, cardio everyday for 45 minutes and Body PumP classes (I teach them). Last week I did 4 classes...this week I will do 3 and I will actually lift some weights!!!! Chest, shoulders and back are my priorities right now...
For all of you who have been keeping up in my journal and sending prayers and good thoughts....THANKS YOU truely from the bottom of my heart.....I know that the positive vibes have helped get me through a dark time....I see the sun right now and do not fear the dark!!!!
Muah
Peace

It is a very grey and rainy day today...but...I am GRATEFUL that the grass is srouting and the spring is here...that I woke up without a headache today and that Mom and Dad are well today!!!
It seems so strange that we are in our 8th week home with Mom when I prepared myself for her passing (several times!!!)...now it's time for me to move along with my life and gear up, and garner strength for the next time I need to move in wiht them!!!
This past week has gone pretty well actually...Dad i really steping up and doing a great job with EVERYTHING...as long as Mom is alert and can let him know what she needs he can do a great job...I just have to figure out how to make sure he doesn't get burnt out.....
For now....I am booking clients 2 weeks at a time and not longer, teaching my class, doing my cardio and hoping to be transitioning back to my own house soon....at least part of the week.
Joyce (private duty lady) comes in tomorrow night for her first over night...we will see how that goes...perhaps we won't need her at night but in the morning or after noons when I am traveling???? We'll see??
I went to a retirement party this past week for a woman I used to work with , Carol. CArol was always very supportie to me at that hell hole and I felt compelled to show up to honor her...she was very touched so I felt good I went. I actually was quite well recieved. I forgot about the old school people out of the Holyoke office...I didn't expect to see them...they mke me feel like a different life ago but most of them looked better than ever and in a NEW phase of their lives to...it really is like seeing those people form different eyes since I have been OUT! WOW!!! This made me realize how blessed I really am...I truely am doing what I love!!!! They can't say that and neither could I when I was there...they are scared...I know, cause I was there too...I wish they could feel how I feel now...they wouldn't be scared anymore but I truely do know how they feel ...it took me a year with a good therapist to LET GO of the fear!!! To Trust GOD will give me what I need... I really realized how much my faith has grown since I left the state service and have been caring for my mother....I made the right decision in leaving...it SAVED MY SOUL!
All the best to you Carol...many blessings for a wonderful life full of Jamacian sunshine!!!!!
K...I'm off for my first overnight OUT!!!!!!! Girls weekend...I'll keepyou posted!