OK...my prep has officially started today and I am already hungry!!!!lol Cardio before breakfast and 5 meals of protien today. God willing...I plan on competing at Tim's new Pro Show in Tampa on 8/9/08. As long as Mom continues to improve and dad continues to do such a great job taking care of her during the day...I should be able to move back to my own house at some point over the next few weeks!!! MY OWN BED!!!!! WOW does that sound FABULOUS!
We'll see...one day at a time but at least if I can get back on track for awhile I can refuel for when I am needed again...I feel like I have done a lot for an dwith my MOm over these past 7 weeks and if I don't refuel myself pretty soon I may loose myself ...so...I think that will be the plan...more clients..more cardio and less food and cocktails!!!!

I taught the Body Pump 65 new release today...it wasn't perfect but it was fun and boy...did I kick my own butt...EVERYTHING aches tonight..especially my lower back and hips from the accident...I totally can't wait to get into the PT...and to get back on the MONAVIE juice with glucosamine...maybe that will help!!!! It sure did keep me healthy thru this ordeal!!!!

OK...Body Pump, Cardio, Diet and MONAVIE...oh yeah, my OWN BED...sounds like luxury!!!!!
Peace out
C
PS: The flights for the spring shows are made...we are off to the Pitts Pro, then into Boston for Jay Cutler Classic and then to S. Carolina for Jr. USA...hopefully to the NY Pro in between!!!!!

Well...we are into our 7th weekwith Mom at home...she is getting progressively better everyday...she is eating better, taking less medicine, trying to sit up more. She is still bedridden but is so much better that the nurses are going to get a physical therapist eval to see if it is even possible for her to be mobile again.
It is a miracle and and wonderful thing and I am soo happy to have mom much more alert and with us!!!
That siad...I have been having a bit of a meltdown all week....feelings are jumping out all over me...anger, saddness, resentment, confusion, exhaustion, frustration, guilt....over and over all day...maybe I have held them in for 7 weeks under the pressure of keeping things together and now that I am not as needed they are coming out??? Who knows but I NEED to resume my life. Dad is doing more and I am going to try to transition back to work...I have been arranging all the spring shows as best I can(my computer crashed so I was out of touch for 3 days)...I am booking my standing clients and considering taking a few new ones...I have been teaching the Body PUmp class (to get my own workout in as I am still very unfocused int he gym)..April first starts my own prep...diet and cardio and essential...getting it scheduled is my first chore.
I am suffering some bad hip problems from the car accident on 2/2/08...I can't see the PT Dr. till 4/10 so my massage therapist has been working on me...I was trying to get my cardio in on a recombent bike that the nurse gave me but the massage therapist felt it was making matters worse....well it doesn't seem to make a differece.....whether I am walking on the sreet or on the eliptical everything seems to be going numb...well unless I am flat on my back Iwill push through this!!! I HAVE TO...MY BODY NEEDS ME BACK!!
So...more transitions..this time for a better reason!!!!
girls weekend is next weekend and I am going to go for one night...God willing...I need a dose of the girls for sure!!!!!
Peace out all...be Blessed!

Here I sit on a grey day...it's not cold but I won't be able to go out for a walk today. I have been trying to get cardio in if it is fairly nice out. It's great to breathe in the fresh air and feel the sun on my face even if it is a bit cold.

Mom has slept through the night for the past several days. I have not even set my alarm to give her meds int he middle of the night. Last night was, I believe, our best night's sleep ( 11 pm-7 am, sraight thru). She has woken up lately wanting to wanting to talk, make phone calls, pay bills, not breathing poorly at all??? She has needed less medicine since last week and is interested in eating (although she only has a bite or two)? This week I feel like I should set up my week next week to work??? Last week I cancelled everything cause the nurses didn't think she was gonna make it through. They just shrug and look at me like..."who knows?"
I feel blessed to have more days but the stress of NEVER knowing is wearing. I have been fighting a sore throat and sinus problems this week. Yesterday I felt sooo bad I couldn't get out of bed..today I felt much better. I have been pumping myself wiht overdoses of Vit C and zinc, Monavie and fluids!!! I do feel better today...I will keep it up!

I guess I will try to go down in the basement and use the littel bike that the nurse brought me?? Better than nothing, right? I feel like I will have NO muscle when this is over and I really don't feel like doing the Body Pump video lately. Motivation is wanning lately. I just feel like going to the mall or getting a massage...maybe browse the grocery store??? WOW..I never thought I would feel this lazy? This break will definately show me if getting into shape is easier cause I have had a great break or harder because I AM OLD!!!!! I guess that is the next test...God wants to show me what I am capable of once I get back into the swing of the gym!!! I feel like ALL I want to do is lift so hard it hurts!!!

Anyone who is a fitness professional of any kind please go to FITRON.com it is a website that is a directory for fitness professionals and Greg Jones was kind enough to list me. Ihave gotten a referral from this site already and if I were promoting myself better I may have gotten more. It may be a great tool for those looking to market themselves!!! Thanks Greg

Today I woke up (actually got 2, 4 hour blocks of sleeplast night!)and Mom told me she has a "new philosophy"...she made me wait till she finished her inhaler and then preceeded to tell me that she has been "going about his all wrong" and she was "a bit ashamed". She said that before she fell asleep last night "something happened" and she realized she needed to change her attitude. She decided that she needed to "stop worrying about dying and start concentrating on living". She seemed sooo peaceful.
She said she didn't know where this came from and I told her I knew. yesterday her friend Elizabeth put her hands on my mom and prayed for her to have peace of mind...I told my mom that I thought she had been visted by the Holy Spirit. She said...I might be right. I knew at that moment that if I had any doubt about my faith it was gone. I knew in my being that that was the reason my Mom felt more peace. Pretty amazing!
She slept most of the day, WITHOUT MEDICATION...she sat up in bed, had breakfast and lunch and was comfortable ALL day. I felt relief today..that she was comfortable and no longer seemed scared...then as the night went on and I was going through some of her things...deep sorrow and grief...for how much I will miss her...miss her nagging...miss her comfort...miss the security of her and her htings...it's so strange...if you are not aroudn it and don't see it it might be OK but hte minute you start thinking about past times, things, memories...you can feel sooo sad....

I will truely MISS my MOther, more than I ever realized...I sit her typing this sobbing with a deep ache in my heart...she is asleep next to me looking fraile and weak....my life will have an empty spot without her...a hole

Let me see if the universe will allow me to post today....I tried last week on Thursday but it deleted....I guess it was not meant to be?

Today my dear friend Lana is buring her son Tony....who died a hero last week trying to help someone else. I can't imagine her pain as I sit here with my mom watching her die. My grief for my friend is so mixed wiht my own rolercoaster of emotions....

My mom seemed to take a turn alst week and then another one last night. It is so hard to see my strong, independant, fiesty mother too weak to sip through a straw. Never knowing what we will deal with the next moment. Her sharp mind is gettingmushy with all the morphine and adavan...it's aweful to watch and she knows it too!!! She cried yesterday at what she is becoming...

I pray that when she goes home to God she will come to me and be whole again..I can't stand this image in my mind forever...she is just a shell of the woman she was...so vunerable and weak....it's just heartbreaking and scary.

Seeing her scared makes me thik she isn't ready to pass...shouldn't she feel peaceful???? God, I pray she finds peace in this journey.....

RIP Anthony Christopher Shafer..watch over your momma and my family...we need your strength and kindness....RIP my friend